Friday, August 10, 2012

Up Next on the Runway: Paternity Clothes

Similar to how mommies get maternity clothes to wear when they are pregnant, I am of the belief that there should be a line of clothing for new daddies to wear once the baby has arrived. Not necessarily because we gain a lot weight when we reach fatherhood, although that does happen quite often. At least in my world it does. No, my proposed new mens' clothing doesn't have anything to do with our sizes. It has much more to do with the way it looks, primarily the patterns and colors that are used.

I think that new daddy's clothes should all come in camouflage colors, but not the type of camo that helps one to stay hidden while out in the woods. No. The type of camo that I am talking about doesn't hide the person wearing it, it hides the stuff that we new daddies are prone to spill or have smeared on us, if I may be blunt. Babies are notorious for spitting up milk and smearing snot and other bodily secretions all over whoever is holding them, and at least part of the time, that is daddy. There should be a line of clothing that takes that into account. It should come with various different sized smear and spit-up type patterns permanently dyed into the fabric. Then nobody would be able to tell if you really had spit up on you or not! This would save us daddies a lot of embarrassment in our everyday lives.
A common occurrence in houses around the world. Especially mine.
 Just yesterday, I went through the entire day at work, and then about 2 hours of a meeting at church in the evening before I realized that I had baby snot smeared all over the shoulder of the shirt I was wearing. I am sure that everyone I had come into contact with throughout the day was totally grossed out by it, because, let's face it, baby snot is pretty gross. Nobody said anything, but I wish they had. I would much rather face a small amount of humiliation by having someone point it out than to find it at the end of the day and not be able to do anything about it. If I was wearing my baby snot camo shirt there wouldn't have been a problem. I think I might be on to something here...


  1. I'm not sure what is the point of buying clothes to look like they are already stained. Just wear regular clothes for a while and they will look like that soon enough. "If you can't tell the difference, why pay the difference?"

  2. You are wise beyond your years, Mr. Johnson.