Thursday, November 15, 2012

Inside a Baby's Head

I have long held the theory that babies' heads are comprised of three things: a really thick skull, which lies above a 3-4 inch thick layer of jello, which surrounds a tiny, pea-sized brain. I now know that I need to revise this theory, because I didn't take into account the space needed to hold at least 5 quarts of snot.

My original theory was built upon the following facts:
  • Babies are not real smart, so their brains must not be very big.
  • Babies smack their heads on things all the time, and they make pretty loud "thud" noises, so their skulls must be pretty thick.
  • Even though they smack their heads all the time, they somehow continue to get smarter and smarter as they get older, so there must be some kind of protective layer that keeps their tiny brains from incurring too much damage. Jello is the obvious choice. Preferably red jello, whatever flavor "red" is.
Today, while home with the two youngest kids, I realized I needed to amend my theory. Yesterday morning, the Boy came down with a runny nose. I'm not sure where he got it, but I am sure that his runny nose quickly spread to his younger sister, the Baby. She seemed OK during the first part of the morning, but when she woke up from her morning nap, it was like she had mutated into some kind of snot-producing zombie baby. Snot was oozing out of every pore in her face, and no matter how quickly I wiped it, more came to take its place.

All that snot had to come from somewhere, so there must be a giant snot "locker" somewhere inside her head. As soon as I figure out where it is, I will come up with a new diagram. The most logical thing to do would be to make the brain smaller...

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