Friday, July 5, 2013

Sasquatch or Wolverine? Hmmmmmm....

In a perfect world, I would be able to just ignore what happened to me this morning, and never think about it again. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is far from perfect, so I have to relive this morning over and over, as everyone and their sister ask me about it. OK, only a couple of people have asked, but they are the only two people I have talked to today, so that makes it 100%. And, if I was to be totally honest, which I rarely am on this blog, they didn't both actually ask - one of them did, and the other looked at me like he wanted to ask, but then didn't. I know what he was thinking, though. So I am going to go ahead and put him in the "Asked" column.

The thing that everyone and their sister are asking about is the huge, bloody gash underneath my right eye.OK, it's not really all that huge, but it is bloody, and like the true macho man that I am, I haven't wiped off the blood yet.
Actually, it doesn't look all that bad, now that I see it online.

How, you probably are asking yourself right now, did I get such a nasty gash on my face, especially since I live in the normally-tranquil suburbs where violent crime is almost non-existent? Well, I haven't quite decided what I should tell all the people who are bound to ask me...

Would it do more for my reputation as a manly man if I tell everyone that I had a chance encounter with a wild and ravenous wolverine while I was on my way to work? Wolverines are known to be one of the meanest, and I think coolest, animals in all of God's Green Earth. I've often heard that a wolverine out in the woods will just as soon kill you as look at you, so if I tell everyone that I had a scrape with one, that might boost my manliness quotient. The only problem is that there haven't been any wolverines in Minnesota in a long time, especially anywhere between New Brighton (home) and Lake Elmo (work), a span of about five suburbs. Despite my charm, people probably will not fully believe my story...

I guess my only other option is to tell the truth, which is a little embarrassing, but might be the better option. See, I actually got my gash this morning when I was shaving. I can hear you now: "What were you doing shaving up there?!?!" Well, some of us humans are known to be closely related to sasquatches, and I am one of them. Yes, periodically, I have to shave up there on the tops of my cheek bones, because I start getting little wispy tufts of fur growing there. I like to think that all that hair makes me seem more manly, yet I am a little embarrassed by it, too. Being part sasquatch is both a blessing and a curse.

Now that I think about it, maybe the wolverine story might be the way to go...

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