Wednesday, August 14, 2013


Some of you probably have heard how I met the Wife, but few of you know what an amazing story of fate it really was. A billion seemingly unrelated things had to happen to make it work, and somehow they all did. It boggles my admittedly easily boggled mind to think about it. Let's take a stroll down memory lane, shall we?

First of all, I was not the first person in my family to meet the Wife. No, that would have been my mom. See, my mom was the Head Receptionist at a local assisted living facility. My sister worked there, too, as the Activities Director, but that's another story. Since my mom was the Head Receptionist, part of her duties was hiring the other receptionists, which there were quite a few, since the front desk had to be manned 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. My mom had interviewed the soon-to-be Wife for one of the receptionist jobs, but actually decided to hire somebody else, if you can believe that. Apparently it was quickly obvious to my mom that she had made a mistake in not hiring the soon-to-be Wife, so my mom actually went out and tracked her down at another place she was working. I guess we know where I get my super-creepy stalking skills from now, don't we? Mom must have been fairly persuasive, or maybe the soon-to-be Wife just wanted to get this crazy lady away from her, but she soon agreed to take the job, and she started her receptionist duties in short order. Just, think, if my mom wasn't such a stalker, the Wife and I would never have met!

This was still several months before I did meet her. Although I would occasionally stop out at the assisted living facility to see my mom or sister, it was never when the soon-to-be Wife was working. Eventually I started going there more regularly when my brother-in-law and I set up a couple of aquariums in the lobby for the residents to stare at. We did that for another several months before one fateful Saturday afternoon, when I just happened to be there, cleaning the aquariums, and the soon-to-be Wife came running in the front door, carrying a large bag, which I would later find out was full of products she sold at her other job. She was a few minutes late for her shift to start, so I just watched as this beautiful frenzied woman threw her bag down by the desk and then hurried off to wherever it was that employees had to go to punch the timeclock. I can remember it like it was yesterday. What a frenzied sight she was to behold!

Obviously, like any red-blooded human male would have done, I decided that I needed to make sure that I only went to work on the aquariums when this lovely lass was going to be working. Most of those days I spent more time bothering the soon-to-be Wife than I did cleaning the aquariums, a fact that my brother-in-law could surely attest to. Sorry Boyd!

Well, my bothering must not have been too annoying, as the soon-to-be Wife asked me if I wanted to play on her softball team that summer. I thought, "Whoa, this spicy vixen must really like me, if she wants me to play on her softball team!" A guy will tell himself anything, if it makes him think a hot girl likes him. Well, we did play softball together, but it was another several months before she agreed to go out on a date with me. Actually, we had several pseudo-dates before that, but she will claim that they weren't dates at all, we were just two friends hanging out together. It's the only thing she's ever been wrong about.
This moment might never have happened...

So, I kept bothering her at work and on the softball fields, and finally I wore her defenses down and she agreed to marry me. It's one of the most amazing miracles in the history of mankind! But, it very easily might not have happened. What if my mom wasn't such a stalker? What if my brother-in-law and I had never decided to set up the aquariums? What if I hadn't gone in to clean them on that fateful Saturday? What if the soon-to-be Wife had met me when I was a geeky teenager instead of a suave and debonair almost-30 year old? I don't even want to think about those options...


  1. Oh my gosh, this is so funny! And don't forget, I knew her before you too!! We were all very excited that you two got married.

  2. Thanks Kim! I think the excitement for our marriage is still palpable. It is for me, at least!