Friday, February 28, 2014

"Why Don't You Up-Chuck & Di?"

The title of this post might seem a little off-putting, or even downright mean. It really doesn't have anything to do with the post; I was just trying to think of any vomit-related quotes from TV shows or movies, and this was the only one I could come up with. It's from the highly-celebrated 1980's-era sitcom Cheers, and was spoken by the gritty Carla Tortelli to, I believe, the uptight Diane Chambers. Although it could have been aimed at Cliff Claven. I don't remember for sure. Maybe it's not even from Cheers...Wouldn't it be cool if I actually used my brain for important things, and not to kind-of memorize lines from 30-year-old TV shows? I think it would...

Anyways, this post is not about the stuff that is uselessly filling my brain. It's about vomiting. Unless you have been hiding under a rock for the past 5 years, you probably know that the Wife and I have three young children. The oldest, the Girl, is a couple of weeks away from turning 5, the Boy is a little over 3-and-a-half, and our youngest, the Baby, is about 3 weeks away from turning 2. Yes, having so many young children under one roof has brought us our fair share of excitement, adventure, elation, drudgery, rage, and, of course, chaos, but for whatever reason, it has not brought us much in the way of vomit.

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining about the lack of vomit in our house, I just find it curious. You would think that, with so many small children, our house could be described as one large barf bag, but no, it hasn't been that way at all.

Looking back at things, I am sure the Girl has vomited the most out of any of our kids. She was also the only infant of ours who ever really spit up at all. Still, I would say she is on the low end of the puke scale. There was one day where she vomited several times, probably between 4 and 8 times total, a couple of years ago now. Other than that, she's probably only vomited 2 or 3 more times in her whole life.

I can only think of one time that the Boy vomited. He was still quite little, and it happened during the night. I can remember this because I am pretty sure he was still sleeping in his crib. The Wife and I had no idea he had vomited  at all, until we went in to get him up the next morning, and there was a smallish amount of vomit on the sheet next to him. He must have gone right back to sleep after it happened, since he hardly had a drop on him. It's one of the most amazing miracles in the history of the world.

As I mentioned earlier, the Baby is almost 2, and she is the reason I am writing this blog post in the first place. A couple nights ago, at a little after midnight, her streak came to an end. Yup, she finally vomited. We knew she had some kind of a cold, but we weren't expecting to find a crib full of vomit when she woke us up shortly after we fell asleep. The Wife went in first, and I soon heard a "Hey, can you come in and help?" being whispered by her. When I got myself into the Baby's room, I found a pile of blankies and her pillow already on the floor, and the Baby standing there in just a diaper. The Wife wanted me to get all the dollies, stuffed animals and books out of the crib so she could get the sheets off the mattress. The whole time, the Baby seemed almost relaxed. She was just kind of hanging out. It was a little strange. I would have expected her to be a jumble of nerves after her first regurgitation. I am whenever I barf. Which, thankfully, only happens about as often as it does for our kids. I must have taught them well...

As you can plainly see, this is a Hello Kitty barf bag, by far the cutest barf bag in the history of the known universe. Japan knows how to make everything fun, don't they? Good thing we don't have any of these in our house, or we all would want to barf more often...


  1. Oh Scott, you are really amazing!! We too, had 3 under 4 years old and I really can't remember many of those years!!!! Good Luck!!

  2. You are lucky! I think Grant has thrown up more in 16 months than your kids combined!

    1. Well, Rachel, hopefully #2 won't have so many issues for you. If she does, I will personally go out and try to find you some Hello Kitty barf bags to have on hand at all times!