Thursday, April 24, 2014

A Little Backseat Conversation, If You Know What I Mean...Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge...No, Wait, That's Not What I Mean At All...

I assume you've heard of backseat drivers? You know, those annoying people who think they know how to drive better than you do and aren't afraid to say so. Thankfully I don't have any of those people in my life. If I did, I'm sure you would have read about them here on the ol' blog already.
This is pretty much exactly what the backseat of our van looks like, minus the 2 car seats, randomly discarded hats and mittens from throughout the winter, and approximately a boxful of Cheerios that have spilled over the past 5 years...

Instead, there's another strange phenomenon going on in our backseats, and it defies all logic. Or at least, all the logic I have, which, admittedly, might not be all that much...

I have said it before, probably a hundred times. Kids are not born with an indoor voice. They are loud right out of the womb, and continue to be loud until who knows when. I know that none of my kids have reached the age when they start to quiet down. And I have spent quite a bit of time with older kids, too, like junior high and senior high aged. They haven't learned to be quiet, either. I figure it must happen a few days after they move out of their mom & dad's house, whenever that may be. The world may never know.

It doesn't really matter when they stop being loud, though. Let's just all agree that they are loud, and don't seem to be quieting down any time soon. Except, and here's the crazy part, there is a time when my kids are quiet. At least the older two - the Little One is always loud. The Girl and the Boy are both quiet in one place only: the backseat of whatever vehicle they are in. They could be screaming, screeching, shouting and shrieking in the house and while walking out to the car, but once they get in that backseat and I turn the car on, they are like little mice back there, as quiet as can be.

Normally, the quiet would be nice, and when I am not trying to talk to the kids, it is. But no matter how many times I tell them to speak up, I can't hear a word they are saying to me. Here's how a normal conversation goes when I am talking to the Boy while he's in the backseat:

Me: "How was your day at preschool, Boy?"
The Boy: "Mrflmrflmufflemrfl."
Me: "What was that?"
The Boy: "Mrrflmufflemrflmurf."
Me: "Can you please speak up? I can't understand a word you are saying."
The Boy: "Daddy, I said mrflmrflmfflemurfl"
Me: "Oh, that's nice."

The Girl is just as bad, if not worse. No matter what I do, I can't get them to talk loud enough to understand a word they say. What is going on? Why don't they have the ability to talk like that when we want them to? Is it just part of their plot to drive me insane even faster than I already was? Sometimes, I can't wait until they move out...

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