Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Throwback Sunday

Let me state this for the record: I love my church. I love our mission, I love the people, I love almost everything about it. The people there, though, are not afraid to tell you that you need to step it up on those times when you might start letting yourself slip into the dark abyss. And let's face it, we all let ourselves slip every once in a while. Some of us more than others...

That was the situation I found myself in this past Sunday. Usually I know when I start to slip towards the abyss, but this time I was clueless, or if I was aware that I was starting to slip I hadn't let myself admit it yet. But my church was not afraid to tell me, ever so subtly. Perhaps nobody at church even realizes what they said to me, it was so subtle. Yet, it was powerful enough that it has made me think about maybe possibly trying to change and head away from the abyss that I didn't even know I was headed towards. Here's what happened:

Every so often our church does something to celebrate our heritage, and it's called "Throwback Sunday". Our wonderful pastor wears a suit and tie and preaches from behind a pulpit, two things he usually does not do. And the rest of us are encouraged to dress up like church-goers of yesterday, as well. Us men are supposed to wear suits, and the ladies of the church are encouraged to wear dresses so we all look the part. We even sing hymns instead of our normal more-modern choruses. Most everyone gets in the spirit and we have a grand old time.

Except this time it wasn't all that much fun for me. The morning of, I walked over to the closet in the Boy's room, which is where all of my six suits hang. One by one, I tried on suit after suit after suit, and none of them fit. Sure, I got a couple of the pants buttoned after much sucking in, but couldn't breathe once I did. Not breathing is not a fun way to go to church, or any other place for that matter. I think my suits were in cahoots with my church and trying to tell me something, but I didn't want to listen.

I did end up listening to my dress shirts, though. I had quickly scrapped the idea of wearing a suit, but figured a shirt and tie would still look somewhat "throwback". I picked out a dress shirt that I have only worn a handful of times, a bright raspberry red number with white stripes. I thought that I would look dapper in it, but it was so tight around my neck that my head turned the same raspberry red as the shirt. At least I was color-coordinated, I guess.

I took this all to mean that the people behind the seemingly harmless "Throwback Sunday" were telling me that I have been sliding towards the dark abyss known as gluttony. Perhaps I should cut back on the seven-egg breakfasts or the six-taco dinners every once in a while. Either that or get rid of all my dress-up clothes and go out and buy a whole new wardrobe...Anybody need six suits?

This is an artist's rendering of what happened when I buttoned the top collar on my dress shirt this past Sunday. The only problem is that in reality I couldn't actually get my suit coat on, but apparently the artist forgot that fact. You can't trust artists these days. They're the worst! Rendering by Scott Hanson.

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