Thursday, January 8, 2015

What's the Deal With Suburbanites? Who Are These People?

I have been an avid suburbanite for my entire life. I did live in St. Paul for a couple of years, but St. Paul is really just a suburb of Minneapolis, so that doesn't count. I consider myself to be an expert on all things suburbia, yet there is one strange phenomena that has popped up in suburbs throughout this great land of ours in recent years that I just cannot wrap my head around. It's quite possibly the strangest thing I've ever seen, and I've seen some strange stuff, some of which actually happened. Maybe one of you, my loyal readers, can explain this phenomena to me, because I sure don't get it.

Of course, the phenomena I am talking about is the proliferation of pergolas that are popping up all over the place. What is a pergola, you may be asking if you've spent the last ten years huddled within the cozy confines of a large city or under a rock. Let me explain, as well as I can. A pergola is a large wooden structure that suburbanites erect in their backyard. It looks kind of like the frame of a tall rectangular building that is waiting for some siding, and a roof. Yes, there is no roof on a pergola, which brings to my mind the question, What good is it?
You can make your pergola as fancy as can be, and I still won't get it...

Without a roof, it serves no purpose if it rains, because the rain will still hit you. If it's sunny, I don't see the purpose of a pergola, because it provides no shade, so you might as well just be sitting out in your yard. As far as I can tell, the only reason to build a pergola in your yard is because you really enjoy digging post holes, and I've never met anybody like that in my 40 years of living.

I must be in the minority though, because I see pergolas all over the suburbs. And today I even noticed that they are starting to sell them at Sam's Club, the center of the suburbanite universe. I don't think I will ever understand, but if you have any thoughts on the matter, I would appreciate some help. I will look for your email right after you get done digging that post hole.

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