Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Questions, Volume 2 "The Deuce"

I have a lot of questions. Some make sense, some might only make sense to me. Whatever the case this is the second installment of inquiries I have made here on the ol' blog in the last couple of months. If you have answers for me, that probably proves that you might not be hooked up right. Don't let that stop you from answering, though. I love to hear that there are people like me out there. It doesn't happen too often.

I think up a majority of my questions when I am out doing monotonous yard work. There hasn't been too much of that in the past 9 months, since it's been winter here in the frozen Northland, but recently the temps have gotten above zero, a sure sign of the impending 4 days known as Spring, so I went out to pick up some of the mountains of dog poop that grew during winter, and I came up with some doozies. I mean the doozies were the questions I came up with. Although there were some other doozies out in the yard, too...Without further ado, my latest questions:

  • Are cobwebs just spider webs that have been foreclosed?
  •  Is all the dirt on Earth just decayed dog poop that hasn't been picked up since the dawn of time?
  • Whatever happened to Dido?
  •  Are you supposed to leave a tip at a Chinese buffet? How about when you pick up take-out?
  • Why don't kids come out of the womb with an "inside voice"?
  • Let's say there's a hypothetical family of 5, and one of them, let's say the hypothetical middle child, a cherubic looking boy who nonetheless has a devious side, brings home an ailment which might consist of hypothetical vomiting or hypothetical diarrhea (both of which are almost as bad as the real thing). Why doesn't this hypothetical illness hit everyone in the family at the same time, so we, I mean the hypothetical family, can all hunker down at home together and get over it within a few days? Why must this evil ailment take its sweet time going from family member to family member as slowly as possible so that their combined sick days total approximately 5 months?
  • Why do our kids still not remember to say "Thank you", even though we have been trying to teach them to say it since they were fetuses?
  • Is it "fetuses" or "feti"?
  • Why do all pregnant women react the same way when I ask them how their fetus is doing?
  • Why do I find it so much fun to talk about pregnant women's fetuses even though it's obvious they don't want me to?
  • Why do I continue to root for sports teams when it's become painfully obvious that none of them will ever win a championship?
  • Why do some people like limp bacon? And if they do, is that enough to label them as "psychotic"?
  • Why did people hate disco so much in the 70s? It's got great beats!
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    OK, yet again, my questions have started to go off the deep end. What do you expect when I spend several entire days picking up dog poop? I'd like to see you do that and come up with better questions! No really, next time do you want to do it? Please?

     

     

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