Tuesday, May 19, 2015

10 Things I Hate About Spring

Don't get me wrong, I love spring. It is my favorite season of the year. There's new growth everywhere, the grass is growing, there are bugs all over the place (this is a good thing if you're a buggy guy like me), and the fish are biting. But that doesn't mean everything about spring is perfect. Oh no. There are plenty of things to hate about spring. Since you've read this far, why not check out my 10 Things I Hate About Spring?

1. Our three trees. Yes, we only own three trees, but all of them are enormous maples, and if you know anything about enormous maples, you know that they drop a lot of stuff. First of all, early in the spring, every branch and twig sprouts millions of these little red things. I am not sure what they are, technically speaking, but they seem like buds of some kind. Whatever they are, they all fall out of the trees at the slightest provocation. If there are wind gusts, they fall out. If there is a slight breeze, they fall out. If it rains, they fall out. If a duck flies by, they fall out. If you look at the tree cross-eyed, they fall out. All of this falling out wouldn't be so bad, except they all fall onto our driveway, sidewalk, or directly onto our cars, where they become stuck and ooze red goo all over everything. Plus, a great number of them get stuck on our shoes and then end up getting dragged into our house, where their red goo gets embedded in the carpet. Immediately after the red bud things are done the helicopters start to fall, covering the ground for miles in every direction. They too get stuck on everything. They are almost as bad as the red things. I hate them.

2. I can't think of anything else right now because thinking about our stupid trees for the past 20 minutes has made me too furious to think about other things I hate about spring. If I can calm down and stop thinking about our evil trees for a while, I will continue this post at a later time. If not, you may just find me out in the yard doing something drastic with my chainsaw.
This is a photo of one of our idiotic enormous maples from last fall. Notice how it held onto its leaves until after the first snow. This is just another example of how evil our trees are. I hate them.

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