Thursday, August 13, 2015

Top 5 Things I Am Not Looking Forward To With This New Baby

I'm sure you probably won't believe this, but there are actually a few things about having another baby in the house that I am not looking forward to. I know, I know, you may think an expectant father shouldn't say things like that, but I am all about the truth, no matter how blunt or politically incorrect it might be. So, yes, having a fresh, new baby in the house will not be all happy and bubbly; there will be some bad times as well. Here are the top 5 things I am not looking forward to when this new baby arrives, in no particular order:

1. Having to use the snot-sucking turkey baster-type thingy.
Parents use this contraption to suck the snot out of a baby's nose when they are sick. It's the worst
thing ever. And, I've never actually gotten it to suck out much snot. Instead, I think it forms a vacuum seal on the baby's brain, causing parts of the poor, tiny gelatinous mass to be sucked into the baby's nasal cavity. At least that's what the terrible crying seems to indicate...

The snot-sucking turkey baster-type thingy. I hate it.
2. Blowouts that shoot out the top of the diaper and get all over baby's clothes.
This is as gross as it sounds, however I have a theory that this problem is worse with boys, since they have more um, you know, anatomical "stuff" in their diapers, and there's less room for poop, so it (the poop) just goes on the path of least resistance, which happens to be out the top of the diaper. Since our fresh, new baby is going to be a girl, maybe this problem won't be as bad. That's my theory, at least...

3. Diaper Rashes
Those things look like they hurt! And the associated crying is loud!

4. Tummy Time
Our kids never liked it very much, but the "experts" say you gotta do it. It usually just made our kids angry, which in turn made everyone in the house angry. Since they didn't like it, we (the Wife and I) didn't make them do it very often. Yet they all know how to hold their heads up now, at least most of the time. I say that Tummy Time is overrated!

5. Getting pooped on whilst I am changing a diaper
This actually has never happened to me, yet, which makes me think it's about time it happens with this next baby. And, even though it hasn't happened yet, I just know that when it does, I won't enjoy it. That's why it's on this list.

I'm sure there are other things I won't like about having another baby, but these are the only ones I could think of in the 4 minutes I took writing this blog. If you think of any good ones, let me know, and I may write about it. After all, a blog just isn't a blog unless I'm complaining about something.

3 comments:

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    1. What's tummy time? What's tummy time?!?! Oh man, you have so much to learn. Remind me not to hire you to babysit the Fetus after shes' born, as she is learning how to hold her head up. In fact, since you don't know what tummy time is, I'm surprised you are able to hold your head up...

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  2. I don't like to hold my head up, but I can. Really. Also, google told me what it was. Hopefully there's a tummy time question at trivia.

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