Thursday, November 12, 2015

Brain Freeze and Other Myths

Brain freeze is a myth...
Everywhere I go I hear people talking about brain-freeze, which is some kind of alleged headache they get when they eat their ice cream too fast. Personally, I have no idea what they are talking about. I can eat ice cream as fast as my two grubby hands can shovel it into my gigantic cavernous mouth, and I have never once gotten a headache from it. I declare that this so-called brain-freeze phenomenon is hogwash.

One of my favorite hobbies is to go through the drive-thru at Culver's, which, for those of you who might be unaware, is home of the "Butterburger". Culver's is also home to some of the finest frozen custard on God's green Earth. Frozen custard is a lot like ice cream, only it's different in some way that remains a secret. When I go through the drive-thru at Culver's, I usually order a mushroom & Swiss Butterburger, along with fries, a pop, and a scoop or two of chocolate frozen custard. When I get up to the window, right after taking a large amount of my hard-earned money, the friendly Culver's employee usually hands me my pop, an order tag with a number on it, and my scoop or two of chocolate frozen custard. Then I drive up to wait for them to bring the rest of my food to me. Most people would probably take a bite or two of their custard, and then put it aside to wait until after they eat their burger and fries. Not me. I immediately shoot off a mythical gun that starts an imagined race I have with the Culver's employee. My goal is to have all that yummy custard devoured by the time they bring me my burger and fries. So far I have a record of 5,694-0. And not a single episode of brain freeze during my winning streak.

You guys and your silly brain freeze. I don't know where you come up with this stuff!


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