Monday, November 2, 2015

Hair, Hair, Long Annoying Hair

Knowing what is going on in my life, you probably thought my next blog post was going to be about babies, or spit-up, or diapers, or how I am running out of time to get our bathroom finished before the baby pops out. But no. I am going to write about hair. The hair that I know the most about. My hair. Please don't stop reading yet...

I would say my hair is interesting, at best. The one redeeming feature of my hair is that it is soft. Really soft. I'm talking like baby bunny who sleeps in a vat of conditioner kind of soft. I am thinking about calling the Guiness Book of World Records so they can verify that it is the softest hair in the History of Man. If you haven't had the good fortune of feeling my hair, make sure you do some time. I am happy to let you. Perhaps too happy...

Other than the softness, though, my hair is kind of terrible, or at least annoying. For one thing, it grows way too fast. As soon as I get out of the barber chair I need another haircut. I should probably make several appointments at once, spaced a few days apart at most. That's easier said than done, though, since my barber's appointment book gets filled up so quickly with making lunches, driving the kids around and having babies.

I could just let my hair grow, but when my hair gets longer than about 1/2" I start to get the blues. Instead of my normal, short-haired, bubbly self, I mope around the house like a sad extra-hairy sasquatch. I don't feel like my normal self, that's for sure. And who wants a sad, mopey sasquatch walking around the house? Nobody in this family, that's for sure. We all like Daddy best when his hair gets cut.

I also don't like the fact that my hair doesn't really do anything except grow straight out at a 90 degree angle from my scalp. It doesn't lay down. It doesn't flow. There is no waviness. It just grows. Straight. As can be. It's the worst. But it is soft. You should feel it some time...
As you can see from the "Before and After" photo, on the left I am listless and mopey, and I have long hair. On the right I am devious, bubbly, and full of cunning and guile, and my hair has been cut. Coincidence? I think not...


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