Tuesday, November 24, 2015

5+1=6, If My Math Is Correct...

Well, we had a fun weekend around the CK&C worldwide headquarters, otherwise known as our house. First, on Saturday, we brought home a beautiful, brand new, shiny toilet for our master bathroom. It is super nice, especially at 2AM when I have to pee but don't want to move more than ten feet in the round trip back to bed. Now that I am well over 41 years old, that trip takes place more often than I would care to admit...

On Sunday we had an even better day than Saturday, if you can believe that. The Wife and I got up super early and went off to one of our local hospitals, where we had an appointment for the Wife to get induced so that our fourth child would FINALLY COME OUT!!! Those were the Wife's words, or a fairly good representation of them.

After what seemed like an eternity, the Baby finally came out about 7:30PM, joining us other air-breathers here on God's Green Earth, and changing us from a family of 5 to a family of 6. The Wife wowed everyone with her uncanny ability to have yet another child without the help of any pain meds, and hardly as much as wincing during the process. I again wowed everyone with my uncanny ability to blubber like a baby whilst holding my child for the first time. The Wife and I are a perfect pair!

Yup, it's been an eventful weekend here at the ol' blog. I wonder what kind of craziness next weekend will bring...


Sunday, November 22, 2015

Life In The Hospital

Well, we are in the hospital, waiting for the Fetus to become the Baby. Our other three kids, the Girl, the Boy, and the Little One, each arrived in this beautiful world of ours faster than the previous one, with the Little One taking a total of 2-and-a-half hours from the beginning of contractions to the moment of squirting out (that's the actual medical terminology). So we were expecting this fourth one to arrive during a commercial break so we could get back to watching the football game. But, apparently she and/or God had different plans...

We have been sitting here for eleven hours now, and still no baby. Both the Wife and I are beside ourselves. We don't know what to do. We have watched countless football games, and there's only one more to watch today. What will we do if that game ends and we still don't have a fresh new baby to oooh and ahhhh over? Oh well, I guess there's another game tomorrow night, huh? I guess we can watch that one. Go Team!!

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Real Time

I was going to title this post "Having a Baby in Real Time", but if I went with that, knowing me, my descriptions of things might get a little too graphic for most people, so I decided to just change it to "Real Time". That's a little more vague, and will allow me to divert from whatever my initial intentions were without anyone knowing. If you haven't noticed before, my main goal with this blog is to take you in random directions on a whim without you even realizing it. I think I am doing a pretty good job at that, wouldn't you say? Or am I......?

Well, now that I got that seemingly insane paragraph out of my system, let's move on to what's actually going on around here: the whole family is working feverishly to get ready to bring another baby into the house. As of right now, we have exactly 11 days until the due date, but signs are pointing to it happening earlier than that. The most obvious sign is when the Wife looks down at her swollen tummy and yells "YOU NEED TO COME OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!" I guess the Wife is getting a little tired of being pregnant...

So, we have been trying to get stuff ready. What is probably most important is making room for the crib. Despite the fact that we will soon have 4 children, we usually haven't used a crib of our own; most of the time we have borrowed one from our good friends, and we are doing that again for this fourth child. We picked it up last night, and the Wife and the Boy got it put together and in place in no time. I helped out by handing them screws and springs as needed, and generally just staying out of their way. The Boy showed natural aptitude at using tools and screwing things in nice and tight. He must get that from his mom, who is quite handy. I have learned how to use quite a few tools over the years, but I wouldn't say any of that knowledge ever came naturally... Instead of a handyman, I would be considered more of an elbowyman. But, I can get things built, or taken apart, given enough time and bandages.

What were we talking about again? Oh yeah, we're having a baby in eleven days or so... I better get back to getting things ready.


Thursday, November 12, 2015

Brain Freeze and Other Myths

Brain freeze is a myth...
Everywhere I go I hear people talking about brain-freeze, which is some kind of alleged headache they get when they eat their ice cream too fast. Personally, I have no idea what they are talking about. I can eat ice cream as fast as my two grubby hands can shovel it into my gigantic cavernous mouth, and I have never once gotten a headache from it. I declare that this so-called brain-freeze phenomenon is hogwash.

One of my favorite hobbies is to go through the drive-thru at Culver's, which, for those of you who might be unaware, is home of the "Butterburger". Culver's is also home to some of the finest frozen custard on God's green Earth. Frozen custard is a lot like ice cream, only it's different in some way that remains a secret. When I go through the drive-thru at Culver's, I usually order a mushroom & Swiss Butterburger, along with fries, a pop, and a scoop or two of chocolate frozen custard. When I get up to the window, right after taking a large amount of my hard-earned money, the friendly Culver's employee usually hands me my pop, an order tag with a number on it, and my scoop or two of chocolate frozen custard. Then I drive up to wait for them to bring the rest of my food to me. Most people would probably take a bite or two of their custard, and then put it aside to wait until after they eat their burger and fries. Not me. I immediately shoot off a mythical gun that starts an imagined race I have with the Culver's employee. My goal is to have all that yummy custard devoured by the time they bring me my burger and fries. So far I have a record of 5,694-0. And not a single episode of brain freeze during my winning streak.

You guys and your silly brain freeze. I don't know where you come up with this stuff!

  

Monday, November 9, 2015

Basement Find

We found this lapel pin in a box of generic stuff in my parents' basement this summer. I think it's a good fit for this blog...

Monday, November 2, 2015

Hair, Hair, Long Annoying Hair

Knowing what is going on in my life, you probably thought my next blog post was going to be about babies, or spit-up, or diapers, or how I am running out of time to get our bathroom finished before the baby pops out. But no. I am going to write about hair. The hair that I know the most about. My hair. Please don't stop reading yet...

I would say my hair is interesting, at best. The one redeeming feature of my hair is that it is soft. Really soft. I'm talking like baby bunny who sleeps in a vat of conditioner kind of soft. I am thinking about calling the Guiness Book of World Records so they can verify that it is the softest hair in the History of Man. If you haven't had the good fortune of feeling my hair, make sure you do some time. I am happy to let you. Perhaps too happy...

Other than the softness, though, my hair is kind of terrible, or at least annoying. For one thing, it grows way too fast. As soon as I get out of the barber chair I need another haircut. I should probably make several appointments at once, spaced a few days apart at most. That's easier said than done, though, since my barber's appointment book gets filled up so quickly with making lunches, driving the kids around and having babies.

I could just let my hair grow, but when my hair gets longer than about 1/2" I start to get the blues. Instead of my normal, short-haired, bubbly self, I mope around the house like a sad extra-hairy sasquatch. I don't feel like my normal self, that's for sure. And who wants a sad, mopey sasquatch walking around the house? Nobody in this family, that's for sure. We all like Daddy best when his hair gets cut.

I also don't like the fact that my hair doesn't really do anything except grow straight out at a 90 degree angle from my scalp. It doesn't lay down. It doesn't flow. There is no waviness. It just grows. Straight. As can be. It's the worst. But it is soft. You should feel it some time...
As you can see from the "Before and After" photo, on the left I am listless and mopey, and I have long hair. On the right I am devious, bubbly, and full of cunning and guile, and my hair has been cut. Coincidence? I think not...