Monday, January 11, 2016

The Opposite of the Unexpected Empty Milk Jug Syndrome

You know how, when you go to pick up a jug of milk that you think is full, but it isn't, and you hit yourself in the face with it because it's so much lighter than you were expecting? Well, I have discovered what the opposite of that phenomenon is, and it happened to me no less than 4 times in one night last week.

It was as normal an evening as you could expect in a house that contains three loud children and one screaming baby. Things were happening, chaos was ensuing, at some point we all ate dinner, and yet I was in my usual fog in which I really don't know what's going on couldn't tell you an accurate story of how the evening went. Thankfully, the Wife was fully in charge of the situation, so all kids were accounted for and nobody had been injured too badly, not even me.

Eventually the three aforementioned loud kids went to bed, and even later they stopped coming out of their room to ask impertinent questions in order to avoid going to sleep. The Wife was getting the Baby ready for bed, so I went about my Monday night ritual of taking the garbage out. First I went to grab the garbage can in our bathroom. I wrenched my back trying to pick it up. Next was the can in the kids' bathroom. I dislocated my shoulder with that one. The basket under the kitchen sink caused a hernia. And the big garbage can in the dining room gave that hernia a hernia of its own.

This is an actual photo of me after taking out the garbage.
All these garbage cans were made heavier than normal by one thing and one thing only: dirty diapers. I had forgotten how much dirty, wet diapers weigh. And I had forgotten how many diapers a single 11-pound baby can produce in a week. Up until now our sweet little baby girl has only produced diapers that were compact, petite, almost cute. Now they are big, squishy, brooding monstrosities that make an audible "THUNK" when you toss them in the garbage can.

The one good thing about the heft of the diapers is that there's no chance I will hit myself in the face with one like I do with an unexpectedly empty milk jug. You gotta look at the bright side when dealing with things like this...That might be the only bright side I can come up with...

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