Sunday, January 24, 2016

What's Another Word For Two Weeks...?

We had a fort night at our house a couple of days ago. That's not to be confused with a fortnight, which as you probably know is a fancy way of saying "two weeks". As in, "The Duchess and I are heading off to the French Riviera for a fortnight, so would you be so kind as to drop in every 3 hours to let our labradoodle, Margaret, out for a poo?" Our fort night only felt like it lasted for two weeks, when in all actuality it lasted for a total of about 12 hours.

I'm not even sure who came up with the idea, but somehow it was decided that we were going to build a fort in our living room for our three oldest children (the Girl, the Boy, and the Little One) to sleep in on Friday night. At the last minute their cousin (the Cousin) was invited to join them, so all in all our living room was going to be the sleeping quarters for a 3-year-old, a 5-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 7-year-old. You may notice that their ages total up to be 21 years, which is appropriate since the evening made me want to start drinking again...

The Wife was in charge of the fort building. I helped by hauling chairs from the kitchen and dining room into the living room, and later by going out into the garage to find as many C-clamps as I could to fasten the blankets to the backs of chairs. We don't mess around when we build our forts! The kids hauled all of their pillows, sleeping bags, stuffed animals, toys, and anything else that wasn't screwed down into the middle of the fort. We were a well-oiled fort-building machine, and had that living room completely transformed within 20 minutes or so.

The fort in question...
After that, the kids "went to bed". What they actually did was talk, yell, hit each other, complain, cry, and all sorts of other commotion-making exercises which seemed to last for hours. I'm sure it wasn't really that long, but I eventually just went into our bedroom to get away from the tumult, so I can't say for sure how long it lasted.

The most exciting part of the evening happened right after I had gone to bed. Shortly before that, I had had the bright idea of giving all four of the kids their own glow stick, since they were all complaining that the lack of night-lights in the living room made it too dark for them. Of course they proceeded to pretend their newfound glowing sticks were light sabers, and they all spent the next half hour or so slapping their bedmates upside the head with these weapons that I had so naively given them. The glow stick-jousting lasted all the way up until one of the kids, who shall remain nameless, decided to chew through their glow stick for some unknown reason. Why would a child do that? I don't know. Is it dangerous to ingest whatever the glowing juice is in a glow stick? I would think so. Did the child in question ingest any? I don't think so; we haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary about him or her yet. Is it possible to wipe the glowing spots of glow stick juice up off of the carpet and/or blankets and/or pillows and/or sleeping bags? No, not at all; they just kept glowing at me in a mocking kind of way. Are we going to have another fort night at our house? Not in a million years...

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