Saturday, May 14, 2016

Black Belt

I should have known this would happen. We have lived in our house for three years now, and for all of those three years, I have not known where either of my black belts were. Not the cool kind of black belts you get for kicking and hitting people, but the uncool kind of black belts that help keep my black pants from falling around my ankles. Before we moved into this house, I had two black belts that I could interchange, depending on what kind of mood I was in. If I was in a silly mood, I would wear one of my black belts, and if I was in a goofy mood I would wear the other one. Those are pretty much the only two moods I ever have, which you would think would make life easier, but sometimes even I can't tell if I am feeling silly or goofy, so the confusion I felt was very confusing...If I was really confused by this conundrum I would just wear something that required a brown belt. I only have one of those...

So any way, when we made the five-suburb-long move from our old house to our current house, both my black belts disappeared. They had to be somewhere in our new house, because we went through our old house with several fine-toothed combs before we left to make sure we weren't leaving anything behind. There definitely was not anything left in that house. But if that was true, then where were my black belts? It was a mystery that confounded me, and everyone else in the house, for three whole years. During that time I never wore anything that required a black belt, because I didn't have any. Only outfits that used a brown belt were worn by me, which, when your wardrobe consists primarily of blue jeans, cargo shorts, and hoodies, is easier than you would think.

But about a month ago, I finally caved. I was in one of my locally-headquartered large retail establishments, looking through the clearance section in the Men's department, when I came across a decent-enough black belt on sale for six bucks, or something like that. I decided to buy it, thinking that I should give up the hunt, and admit that my two black belts were lost for good. I took it home and wore it to church the next day. I could tell that people noticed something different about me that day, but nobody could put their finger on what it was...

Like I said, that was a month ago now. Life was pretty good with my one brown belt and my one new black belt, but then, of course, the Wife went downstairs yesterday and found my two old black belts hiding in some box that nobody had opened since we have lived here. I don't know what else was in the box, but whoever had packed it at our old house had clearly not written "THIS BOX CONTAINS  SCOTT'S TWO BLACK BELTS" on the outside of it like they should have. Talk about inconsiderate...

So, now I have three black belts, and only one pair of black or gray pants that actually fit me. I better go back downstairs and see if there are any of my pants hiding in any of those boxes. If not, I'll blame the same person who packed my belts...

No comments:

Post a Comment