Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Food

I love food, probably more than the next guy, especially if the next guy is some skinny dude who doesn't like to eat. I can prove my love for food by telling you that I currently weigh much more than I used to. I won't go into the specific numbers or anything, other than to say I now weigh about 70 pounds more than I did when I graduated from high school, even though I am just about the same height. I don't know how you feel about this paragraph, but I am finding it to be a little depressing...

So, let's talk about something else, shall we? Like how we just started the Baby on real food. If you have been reading this blog since its inception, and if you haven't...why not?, you might recall that the Wife and I start feeding our kids differently than most parents do. Right before the Girl was born 7+ years ago, the Wife discovered a "new-fangled old-fashioned" way of starting babies on solid food, in which they actually eat solid food, not pureed food that comes in tiny jars at the supermarket. And it's not pureed at home in a turbo-charged food processor, either. It's not pureed at all, it's just solid food, as in a hunk of hamburger, or a slice of apple, or even a piece of steak. It's known around the world as "baby led weaning", and there are books and websites about it. It's quite the phenomenon, even though babies learned how to eat actual solid food for eons before the food processor and tiny jars were invented.

We have loved it with all of our kids. They were feeding themselves within a few days, we didn't have to spend time pureeing or lugging around jars of food, and we didn't have to try to coax our babies to open wide enough to cram some disgustingly liqufieid "peas" into their mouths for them to spit out a millisecond later. They became more dexterous by holding their own food, they got to learn about all the different textures of food and not just the texture of puree, and they learned to eat what we were eating, so we were able to share in the eating experience. I would highly recommend you check into it, you know, if you have a baby that's around 6 months old...

We just happen to have one of those kinds of babies, the Baby, so we started her on solid food about a week ago. She has had steak, chicken, sweet potatoes, hard fried eggs, an apple, bananas, and broccoli. There has probably been more that, but I was too busy eating to take notes...If you want to learn more about baby led weaning, check out the links above, or feel free to talk to me. What are you waiting for...?

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Tooth Paste+Hand Soap+Lip Balm+Water

Tooth paste plus hand soap plus lip balm plus water is not a new recipe for some tasty treat. Although it does sound delicious, doesn't it? I have never mixed up such a concoction to see what it might be like, but the Little One did. She did not, however, use a mixing bowl, like I would have wanted her to. No, she decided to mix up all this stuff in her bed, right on top of her sheets and blankets. Oh yes, she did some mixing on the wood floor in her bedroom, as well.

Why would she do such a thing, you might ask. There's one very simple answer: I have no idea. If you were to ask her, like I did, you would probably get a very similar answer: she doesn't know, either. As much as her answer made me want to bang my head against the wall, it was pretty much what I should have expected from a 4-year-old. I have had two other 4-year-olds before her, so I should have known that's what she would have said. It's still baffling, though.

Despite the craziness of the situation, though, I have formed a sort of non-provable hypothesis about how it might have gone down. I think she may have brought her toothpaste into her room (did I mention that the toothpaste in question is bright neon pink, and that it had started to dry on the wood floor by the time we found it?) just for fun, not realizing the mess she might make if most of it got squeezed out of the tube. I then hypothesize that she got the hand soap and water out of the bathroom, hoping that a little soap and water would help clean up the aforementioned toothpaste mess. I still don't know where the lip balm comes into play, and figuring that part out might be difficult because there wasn't any actual lip balm found anywhere in the mess. Just the empty lip balm container was there. Could she have eaten it? We may never know...and I don't think I want to find that out...

There was a bit of wailing and gnashing of teeth that night, and not just by the Little One. Thankfully it cleaned up pretty well, although she did not have any sheets on her bed for a couple of nights. Just think, in 3-and-a-half years we'll have yet another 4 year old to contend with. Remind me to hide all the toothpaste before then, will you?

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Black Belt

I should have known this would happen. We have lived in our house for three years now, and for all of those three years, I have not known where either of my black belts were. Not the cool kind of black belts you get for kicking and hitting people, but the uncool kind of black belts that help keep my black pants from falling around my ankles. Before we moved into this house, I had two black belts that I could interchange, depending on what kind of mood I was in. If I was in a silly mood, I would wear one of my black belts, and if I was in a goofy mood I would wear the other one. Those are pretty much the only two moods I ever have, which you would think would make life easier, but sometimes even I can't tell if I am feeling silly or goofy, so the confusion I felt was very confusing...If I was really confused by this conundrum I would just wear something that required a brown belt. I only have one of those...

So any way, when we made the five-suburb-long move from our old house to our current house, both my black belts disappeared. They had to be somewhere in our new house, because we went through our old house with several fine-toothed combs before we left to make sure we weren't leaving anything behind. There definitely was not anything left in that house. But if that was true, then where were my black belts? It was a mystery that confounded me, and everyone else in the house, for three whole years. During that time I never wore anything that required a black belt, because I didn't have any. Only outfits that used a brown belt were worn by me, which, when your wardrobe consists primarily of blue jeans, cargo shorts, and hoodies, is easier than you would think.

But about a month ago, I finally caved. I was in one of my locally-headquartered large retail establishments, looking through the clearance section in the Men's department, when I came across a decent-enough black belt on sale for six bucks, or something like that. I decided to buy it, thinking that I should give up the hunt, and admit that my two black belts were lost for good. I took it home and wore it to church the next day. I could tell that people noticed something different about me that day, but nobody could put their finger on what it was...

Like I said, that was a month ago now. Life was pretty good with my one brown belt and my one new black belt, but then, of course, the Wife went downstairs yesterday and found my two old black belts hiding in some box that nobody had opened since we have lived here. I don't know what else was in the box, but whoever had packed it at our old house had clearly not written "THIS BOX CONTAINS  SCOTT'S TWO BLACK BELTS" on the outside of it like they should have. Talk about inconsiderate...

So, now I have three black belts, and only one pair of black or gray pants that actually fit me. I better go back downstairs and see if there are any of my pants hiding in any of those boxes. If not, I'll blame the same person who packed my belts...

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

May The 4th Be With Us

I apologize for the title of this post. I was trying to come up with something clever using the number 4, but that was all I could come up with... I assume that phrase is stuck in my brain because it was recently May 4th, and I have a lot of friends who are Star Wars nerds. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

I wanted to come up with a catchy phrase using the number 4 because Facebook reminded me that today is this blog's 4th birthday. I actually thought it was tomorrow, but who am I to question the all-knowing Facebook, which knows more about me than me, and I'm me...

I have no plans to celebrate the birthday, other than to write this post, go out and mow the lawn, work on cleaning the garage, and then annihilate our opponent in church league softball tonight. If any you would like to throw the blog a birthday party, that would be cool, but please don't go overboard. There's nothing more annoying than a blog that has gotten all full of itself on its birthday.


Happy birthday blog!

Monday, May 9, 2016

To My Kids, In About 20 Years...

I think it's safe to assume that, when my kids are in their 20s, they will have nothing better to do with their lives than go back and read all of their dad's goofy blog posts that he wrote when they were kids. Nothing could be more exciting for a young adult, in the prime of their life, than to sit down and read the hundreds of posts that good old Dad filled with pages and pages of jibberjabbery nonsense for no other reason than to make himself laugh. Well, if my visions of the future become reality, my kids have probably gotten to this, my 411th post, right around January 17th, 2036, so I might as well take this time to come clean to them on a few things...

First of all, do you remember the few times that I made you macaroni and cheese, and how much you liked it? That's because I added a secret ingredient and didn't tell you. Ha! Isn't that funny? I always added a couple of shakes of garlic salt, and you always told me that it was the best mac & cheese you ever had. I knew that if I added the other stuff that Mommy & Daddy liked in our mac & cheese, like red pepper flakes or minced onion flakes or Italian seasoning, you would be able to see it and therefore turn your nose up at it. But garlic salt, that's pretty invisible when it gets mixed in to a cheesy concoction. And it made it oh so good...

Secondly, umm, wait a minute, I can't think of anything else I did to trick you...Probably because I knew you noticed everything, just like your old man, and I knew I wouldn't be able to deceive you for any length of time. So, I guess I will end this silly blog post for now, and let you get back to your doctoral theses and training for the Olympics. If I think of anything else I'll write to you in another 20 years...
This is pretty much exactly the way I picture our kids in 20 years, only cooler, smarter, and funnier...